“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”
-Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
I resonate with this on a spiritual level. Too many times I find myself thinking of someone and remembering all they used to mean to me and how close we were and all what we used to be. And I’m happy, and feeling all fuzzy and warm, thinking of all the happy memories. And at the same time, a polar opposite feeling in rising inside me and I’m reminded of the fact that no matter how important they used to be to me, they’re nothing but a memory now and I can never get all of that back , try hard as I might. And it rips my very soul to shreds. And even though I was smiling a mere second ago, I always find myself crying, weeping, and sobbing uncontrollably and it hurts so badly. Why is it so hard to separate one from the other when it comes to memories? Especially with good memories. Why can’t my brain just let me enjoy that moment of happiness and joy? One millisecond of ecstasy followed by hours of tears and depression is not something I look forward to. I guess that’s why I never think about you anymore. You used to be my happy place, but now, you’re where I go to when I want to be fully drowned in my sorrow.
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